There I was all alone, car broken down, wind howling and the rain persisting down. I've seen those 'B' movies, where the mug gets out and wanders up to the seemingly deserted, wretched, ruin. "I'm not falling for that", I told myself for the tenth time. However the desire to rid myself of what now seemed to be about a gallon of surplus liquids was pressing to say the least!
"Oh well", I thought, "nothing much around, healthy growth of trees over there, why not?". With that I left the warm, comfortable and dry, interior of the car and set off into the damp and dismall undergrowth.
I cannot have gone more than twenty feet when a blood curdling howl reverberated around the copse. I no longer needed the service of the trees, a dry cleaners maybe, cold, dark, enclosed and oppressive trees I did not need!
I was on my toes and hot foot back for the car or I thought I was. Where does a car hide when it hears something it doesn't like? Because that's where I wanted to be too!!
No car! I must have come out of the undergrowth at a completely different place from where I went in as I didn't recognise a thing!
I especially didn't recognise the stooped gentleman, issuing sniffling mumbled noises, who now confronted me!
"Can I be of service, sir?", it asked. I have to say 'it' as there was no way that voice could have been human in origin. The noise was more in line with an acappello moose on 'quals', sort of legubrious menace if you know what I mean.
Rapidly assessing the situation, I panicked (it seemed sensible at the time!), turned and headed back to the woods.
It was at this point that I realised that something odd was abroad! Principally, this was due to the complete lack of arborial cover and, secondly, because of the large bat in evening dress who now faced me.
"Has Igor introduced us?", he asked. "Mnngggg ggghhhhh", I shot back at him, quick as a flash. Erudition in times extreme panic not being a strong point of mine. "Mister Jezter, isn't it?", he continued, completely unfazed by my witty repartee.
I am ashamed to admit that at this point I lost it. Or to be exact, them.
I think the sound of two testicles withdrawing to chin level is one of the most heart rending noises to ever assail a man's ears!
"Charming ear rings", was his only comment.
