May 2002 Topic: Online Casino's and gambling.
I said, when restarting this ezine, that sometimes things can get expensive. See the lengths to which I am prepared to go to satisfy your continued interest.
It shouldn't be too bad I told myself, I used to be a professional gambler so what damage could I do to myself financially? The answer is: A lot!
My first foray into this area was to join an online casino, with the added incentive of a free £10 credit for joining and making a deposit. You are all familiar with the following expression: Out credit card, into form and £20 deposit. The £10 'free' would appear in my account within the next 48 hours. Oh well, a look around first - not a bad idea with most casino's, they have the opportunity to play the games in 'non cash' mode. At least you get a chance to see what games are available and how they work before committing any real moolah.
Where to start, slots, roulette, black jack or poker? Hmm, Poker I think as it has always been one of my favourite games. But what is this? No texas hold'em or straight, we have American, Vegas rules, Caribbean and a host of other versions, none of which I have ever heard of. I'm English and we don't tend to get this amount of variation offered, it's usually Texas Hold'em, straight or draw and that's it - what the hell is Caribbean poker anyway? I still didn't understand after trying the practice game.
Black Jack then, it's only a glorified version of pontoon isn't it? No it isn't. Double down, split and all the other options looked more like a handbook on sexual positioning than a game of cards and, let me tell you, sex is cheaper!
Roulette then - a game I have never liked, watching a ball spin in a dish and hope that it falls on your colour or number suggests a skill requirement of the average chimpanzee. Admittedly a very well off chimpanzee, but as far as intellectual capacity required the chimp would probably be over-qualified! I was right, I was bored rigid within about a minute.
Slots, the ultimate in no boner brain power required - except for trying to get the damn coins accepted into the 'coin slot'. This one I won on, how I have no real idea, except that the bars were kind. OK, this is the one I'll play for real cash.
Much to my amazement, I won. In fact in two sessions playing I ended up making two cheque withdrawal requests that had covered my initial stakes by more than 400%.
Having achieved such success at one casino, I joined another. The incentive with this one was a matching amount deposited by the casino, up to £100. This one got the standard £20 and the matching amount was credited within 24 hours. I needed it! Slots were killers, so I moved back to Black Jack where I could at least understand the rules of this site.
It didn't matter whether I understood the rules or not, I couldn't get better than a evens return on stake.
On to the poker, and a game of draw - marvellous, I thought, a game I know well. I must have forgotten a lot! Open ended straights that kept producing a lowly pair. My balance just moved about up and down by about £5 of the original bank. Then my saving grace, the program threw a wobbly and refused to deal anything but the reverse of the cards - it wouldn't turn the damn things over! I withdrew my original stake of £20 and closed the account.
Online book-makers abound and as I have been an avid backer of the gee gee's since the early 70's, I thought that this would be the next phase.
It is so easy to place a bet (any form of bet) online that this was an absolute joy. This was the sort of gambling I understood. Get the racing form paper, in my case the Racing Post, study the days racing then go and find the best prices out there. Magic and so simple. And so compulsive.
The Grand National was looming (a race in which I usually take absolutely no interest - even if your horse looks good on paper, you don't know who is going to fall in front of it!) so a tempting way to test the water. Pick out about 4 horses that have a chance of staying the course, barring the above reservations, and put a series of each way bets on (why risk a place return in a race where the anti-post favourites were balloted out!) sit back and wait for the day.
Well not actually sit back and wait, but why not try and find a few winners in the meantime? The clarion cry of inveterate gamblers everywhere, just filling in a bit of time.
A quick look at the major jumps card showed (bows in respect) A.P. McCoy on a couple of Martin Pipe horses. The best Jumps jockey for years riding for his boss, the best Jumps trainer of a generation - how can I go wrong.
Easy, wrong time of the season. Any old time punter (of which I'm one) will tell you, ”don't bet at the end of the jumps or the start of the flat”. I ignored this old adage, to my cost! A winner, I would have settled for 1 in the first 6!!
A look at the flat meeting produced even more perplexity, Keiron Fallon is a free-lance this year and that presents a bigger problem for me than most other considerations. For my money, Keiron Fallon has the ability to get more out of a horse than any other flat jockey (Frankie Dettori included). There lies the dilemma, when K.F. was riding for Sir Michael Stoute you knew that you had a fighting chance of a winner, albeit often a short priced winner, but a winner none the less. In fact, the only arrangement that would have topped that particular arrangement would be if K.F. was riding for Aiden O'Brien or Godolphin (with his current level of success, I would like it to be Aiden, but neither are particularly likely and the prices would be prohibitive!).
At this point I should mention that all sense (a misnomer in consideration of making a gambling decision!) left me. I thought a nice little series of multiple bets covering A.P. on the jumps and K.F. on the flat ought to produce something.
It did, within two days I had to top up the account!
Some of you may be referring back to my opening paragraph, and in particular to the bit about me having been a professional gambler. I can assure you that I was, but I did things a bit differently then, I spent a vast amount of time studying everything there was to rate out a race. More importantly, I only bet when I was pretty sure that I would get a result. I only bet on one horse in a race and the bets were not every day, or even every week. In fact, I might only have one bet in a couple of weeks or on decent anti-post bet that I would continue until I felt that the value had gone. There lies the crux of the issue, value. If I couldn't see any value in a bet, then I wouldn't make a bet.
After 30 years I had returned as a mug punter, having a bet just for the sake of betting!
I learned a lot (again) over the last couple of months and have gone back to my ways of old. If I cannot rate it or cannot get value, I don't back it.
I don't mind not being on a short priced winner when the actual price should have been a multiple of the return. I will not back at odds on and I definitely won't bet at the end of the jumps and the beginning of the flat.
Now, what was that thing about Caribbean poker?...............